


I Wish That I Had Logan Arms

by ELSchaaf



Series: Dr Seuss/Veronica Mars crack!fic [1]
Category: DR. SEUSS - Works, Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-11
Updated: 2014-04-11
Packaged: 2018-01-18 22:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1445410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ELSchaaf/pseuds/ELSchaaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Dr. Seuss/Veronica Mars crack!fic that I just couldn't get out of my head.  Thinking about it cracks me up. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wish That I Had Logan Arms

I wish that I had Logan’s arms and I can tell you why.   
You can give good hugs with Logan’s arms.   
You don’t have to wait till people cry.

I wish that I had Logan’s arms.   
No more sleeves!   
No sleeves for me!   
The department stores would not have my size you see.

If I had two Logan arms,   
I could laugh at silly Duncan Kane.  
I would say, “YOU don’t have Logan’s arms.  
You’re the only one to blame!”

I think it would be very good  
to have Logan’s arms every day.  
Only those with Logan’s arms  
Can give me the time of day.

BUT…  
My friends they would not like them.  
They’d say, “You get those off!  
They are not yours!  
Give them back!” They scoff.

“Don’t ever take them again.  
Now, DON’T.”  
SO…  
I guess I can’t have Logan’s arms.  
I would like to but I won’t.

SO…  
If I can’t have Logan’s arms,  
I’ll have something else instead…  
Say!   
I know what!   
I wish I had  
his head! 

 

 

I wish I had a Logan-like head.  
That would be a lot of fun.  
Then I could wear  
spiked hair and gel up there!   
Dick and Duncan can wear none.

I think it would  
be very good  
to have when I go to the mall.  
Then all the girls would stop me.  
Yes, sir! I’d want them all! 

My Logan-like head would get me  
kisses and stuff  
like gropes, grabs, and flings  
and stalkers, true stalkers,  
and a lot of other things!

BUT…  
If I had a Logan-like head,   
I would never get a break.  
I could never leave my home  
without causing loads of heartache.

AND SO…  
I won’t have a Logan-like head.  
I’ll have something else instead.

I wish that I had Logan’s smile.  
A smile to wake the dead!

When days are dark  
it would be good  
to flash that smile about.

And then fair Veronica  
would say, “Thanks! Thanks!  
You keep us going, no doubt.”

I could smile all day in summer.  
My face would never freeze.  
My smile would be better than Duncan’s.  
It would bypass his with ease.  
BUT…  
My mother would not like it.  
I know just what she’d say:  
“That’s not your face!  
You take it off!  
Don’t be such a disgrace.”

I know that she would tell me,  
“I don’t want to see that smile again.”  
And when Mother  
does not want a thing,  
there’s no point if asking when.

AND SO…  
I will not have one.  
I don’t wish to be stuck with Logan’s smile.

I think  
it would be better  
if I had  
every one of his wiles.

I wish I had Logan Echolls’ wiles.  
Some day I will. I hope.  
And then I’ll show  
the kids in town  
new ways to evoke a million smiles.

If I had Logan Echolls’ wiles  
I know what I would do.  
I would taunt Dick, Troy, and Duncan.   
It’s true.

I wish I had Logan’s wiles.  
And I can tell you why.  
I could hit on a girl a mile away  
and make her feel she could fly.

I know Lilly would like this.  
If she were still here, she would say  
“No other boy in town   
will ever have so much sway.”

BUT…  
If I had Logan’s wiles,  
I know what Sheriff Mars would say.  
He’d kick me out.  
He would!  
And all I want is to stay.

I don’t think I would like it  
being kicked out of the Mars’ house, you see.  
The more I think about it...NO!  
No Logan’s wiles for me.

AND SO…  
If I can’t have Logan’s wiles,  
I’ll have that boy’s eyes!   
Those eyes so intense  
and so wise.

I wish that I had Logan’s eyes  
and I can tell you why.  
I think they would  
be very good  
when I’m otherwise feeling shy.

Every girl in town would love them.  
Every girl but Cindy Mackenzie.  
And every time I saw those girls  
I would blink  
and cause a frenzy.

Say!  
I could help find evidence!   
My eyes would be just right.  
I could help Veronica with stakeouts  
a hundred times a night.

Oh, I would see a lot of things  
that no one else ever would.  
Of course, everyone in town would say,  
“He’s seen things he never should!”

 

BUT…  
If I had Logan’s brown eyes,  
I know what Wallace would do.  
He’d punch me out,  
give me a black eye or two!

Weevil would work me over  
and bloody up those lashes.  
I guess it would not be so good  
to have so many gashes.

NOW…  
Let me think about it.

All these things I want are bad.  
And so I wish…  
I wish...I wish…  
What DO I wish I had?

I know what!   
I know just what!   
I know just what to do!  
I WISH THAT I HAD ALL THOSE THINGS!  
I’d be a Logan Echolls clone!

If I could be a Logan clone,  
I’d jump high in the air.  
I’d ride it out  
and dance about.   
I’d make the whole town stare!

BUT…  
The PCHers wouldn’t like it.  
They’d be pissed, I bet.  
They’d corner me, I’m sure,  
and make me wish we’d never met.

They’d get me thrown in a jail cell,  
with my arms, eyes, and wiles.  
They’d say,  
just for today,  
they’d drag me behind them for miles.

I think I would be very sad  
when Veronica came to call.  
SO…  
I don’t think  
a Logan Echolls clone  
would be much fun at all.

AND SO…  
I think  
there are some things  
it would be too hard to be.

And that is why  
I think that I  
should just continue to be me.


End file.
